I leave for India in twenty-nine days. Less than that, actually. I’m finalizing my Visa paperwork and I got most of my vaccinations today. I just have to pack and make the twenty-hour trek there.
I think this is coming at a good time in my life. I think a five-month breather from my life as it is will be really, really good for me. As heartbreaking as it is, I think I’m outgrowing my nearly five-year relationship in the same way I regretfully outgrew most of my friendships. While my friends from high school wanted to drink, go to parties, and have bon fires on the North Shore on Wednesday nights (I always have to be up by 5:30am Monday – Friday either for work or school), I wanted to stay in and study or do something else that was usually school-related. But now I’m the only one of them to have earned a college degree, and continuing on to an advanced degree. Do I think I’m better than them? Never — they’re much nicer people and have bigger and more genuine hearts. I just prioritized other things over what they wanted to do here and there. They’re genuinely nicer people. I’m tempermental and obsessed with school. My significant has a rather cookie-cutter idea of our future. He wants kids and has expressed this since we began dating. He is eleven years my senior — there was a time I said we should have stopped seeing each other because I wouldn’t want to start a family until I was at least 30. He said repeatedly that he would wait because I was worth putting off a few years of his life. 30 is only seven and half years away for me, and I don’t see myself tying myself down with children at 30. At 30 I want to have or be working on a PhD and travel for research. I want to stay in my office until 8:00pm because I don’t have other obligations outside of my academic work. I see what my single professors have and I want it. I don’t want to have to bring my children to class some days when the sitter or preschool fall through and have to both lecture and open snacks for my child. I want to write and read undisturbed.
But I’ve fallen deeply in love with school and I can’t wait for the next semester to start. I’ll be taking three graduate courses and one undergraduate, two of which will be with my Study Abroad Program’s Resident Director, who is also my graduate advisor. We have a really good rapport; I took a class with him a few semesters ago and we’ve gone out to dinner a couple times. He teaches me useful Hindi phrases I didn’t happen to pick up in the classroom and he gave me three really useful textbooks that I read in addition to my assigned readings last semester since I couldn’t take his class as it clashed with my work schedule. The question I get the most about him is if he is Indian. He totally is not, and he is 6’2″ with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, and hails from the Windy City. But he’s frequented West India and East Africa for the last twenty years for research.
I’m really excited. I need this change.