Help!

We brought my dog, Logan, home from the Humane Society on Saturday.  I went to work this morning and after I left, my boyfriend said he began crying (I was aware he does this when I leave to run errands) but he said Logan then began to howl and ended up waking everyone up.  Does anyone have any suggestions as to make him a little more comfortable?  Someone is always home with him but he gets anxious when I leave.  My coworker suggested that when we’re home, to go outside for short periods of time (in the yard, garage, etc) and come back to reinforce that we will always come back when we leave.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I always have work or school in the morning and next semester, I will always be out of the house by 5:45am.  Someone will always be home, so I didn’t expect him to become so anxious when I left.  Any suggestions are appreciated!  If it helps, he is a two-and-a-half-year-old Australian Shepherd mix (maybe mixed with a Goldie), and he had been surrendered twice before we adopted him.  Thank you!

Me Vs. Food

It’s been about a month since my last bulimic episode.  That’s a long time considering I suffered from it for about two and a half years.

This time last year was awful because of it.  Everyone everywhere knows how much eating takes place during the holidays.  First it’s Thanksgiving, a few weeks later it’s Christmas, and one week later, it’s New Years.  And favorite foods in Hawaii are so unhealthy, but just as delicious.  My dad’s family always has a full roast pork on New Years Day and the skin is so unhealthy but so, so, so tasty and crispy freshly cut.

Surprisingly, though, the thought of gaining weight hasn’t been weighing too heavily on my mind.  I can tell that I have gained weight (or lost muscle mass), but it isn’t bothering me nearly as much as I had imagined.  We ran the marathon on the 8th and since then, we haven’t really run.  I started doing pilates but I don’t have as much time for it now that I work full-time until I start school again.  I need to find time for it; I really enjoyed it and since I went off of Cassey Ho’s Blogilates videos, it’s easier because she talks during all of her videos.

But anyway, I think I’m doing well.  I don’t count calories anymore and I’m a lot happier eating whatever I want.  I still stay away from fast food meals (not the fries though!) and greasy foods in general.  Last week my friends, boyfriend, and I went to Hooter’s for our early Christmas dinner and I felt so sick for days after that.  I ate a plate of tater tots and one and a half parmesan garlic chicken sliders.  So.  Much.  Oil.  But, I love tater tots way too much and I still don’t really regret it.

I don’t know what clicked in my head.  This time last year, my eating disorder did get a little better because on Christmas Eve, I came down with the stomach flu and spent the entire night tossing and turning with body aches, and if not that, then in the bathroom throwing up or, you know.  And that entire night being spent throwing up until my stomach hurt because nothing else would come out made me realize that I did that on a daily basis.  I made myself throw up vital food intake on a daily basis because I had been made fun of for being fat in high school.  I weighed 98lbs around that time.  It got worse again, and got a little better after I got back from Washington in July.  And since mid-November or so, I haven’t made myself do it.  I threw up once last Sunday, but that was because I tried so hard to eat $62 worth of crab at Hoku’s breakfast brunch that my body just couldn’t take it.  As much as I love king crab legs, there’s only so much I can eat comfortably.

But, I am a lot happier.  Counting calories is a waste of time.  Two and a half years of bulimia naturally did make my appetite smaller, so it’s easier for me to control how much I eat now.  Bread and pasta were my deadly enemies before but since then, I’ve learned that eating them in small portions is fine, and I’ve even learned how to make no-knead bread (it’s pretty good if I do say so myself).  I can’t even explain how much I love bread.  I love the smell of freshly-baked bread, I love making it, I love the texture, I love its versatility.  Pasta, eh.  I can do without it.  I also used to eat A LOT of rice, as most Hawaii residents do.  I’ve learned to substitute rice for vegetables in most cases; however, spam, eggs, and rice or eggs, vienna sausage, and rice CANNOT be subbed for anything.  They need to be eaten with rice, I’m sorry.  It’s a breakfast staple here!  I also love waffles and I’ve learned that one waffle won’t kill me.  In fact, I ate a Belgian waffle for breakfast today.  I woke up craving one, so I drove to Aiea to get a strawberries & whip waffle from Koa Pancake House and I ate it in less than ten minutes.  Like the tater tots, I love waffles way too much and I don’t regret it one bit.

I think, though, I’ve learned that being stick-thin doesn’t make me pretty, and being a little thicker doesn’t make me ugly.  My boyfriend knew about my eating disorder a year in, but at the time, I had told him that I had gotten better.  So for a year and a half, I just hid it better.  Deceitful, yes, but I thought he’d be happier if I became thinner.  Let me say, he is not like that at all.  From the day we met, he’s constantly told me how beautiful, pretty, cute, sexy, adorable, witty, funny, intelligent, and kind I am (or that he thinks I am, anyway!).  He tells me on a daily basis that I’m pretty and he has for the two and a half years we’ve been together.  I just never believed him.  Maybe now I do.  We wake up in the morning and he’ll roll over, look at me, and tell me that he feels lucky to wake up next to me every morning.  This has happened for two and a half years, and I still thought I was fat and ugly.  How could I think that, right?  I’m not sure.

I’m not scared of gaining weight anymore and it feels so wonderful.  I don’t eat whatever I want, whenever I want, but I’ve just learned to eat in a smarter way and that sometimes, I’m not hungry, but simply bored.  I’ve learned to love running and exercising in general, and I’ve grown to love fruits (I’ve always loved veggies).  A chocolate cake is a chocolate cake, I don’t need to try one from five different restaurants.

The hardest part about my eating habits these days is being at work.  My work place is full of closet chefs and bakers.  In fact, my coworker is the one who gave me the recipe for the no-knead bread.  He’s a wonderful cook and makes fresh bread at work weekly.  I work in an office and there are always snacks, especially in my department.  There’s a desk designated solely for snacks.  One of the loan officer’s wives makes brownies all the time and gives us the brownie edges.  BROWNIE EDGES, the BEST part of the brownie!  He knows I like brownie edges so he’ll always give me the first pick.  Members are always bringing us malasadas, coco puffs, manapua, cake, pie, etc.  Not to mention staff just baking and bringing things to work.  Sometimes I’ll flat out say “No, I do not want cake” and I’ll get up to grab something and ONE minute later, there will be two slices of cake on my desk.  It’s my fault, everyone there knows I have a sweet tooth. 😛

I also really love cotton candy.  This is the one food my mom told me I cannot eat.  I’m 20 and she tells me I CANNOT eat cotton candy.  I’m 20, I can eat whatever I want!  Including tons and tons and tons of cotton candy.

Logan

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Today I adopted my first dog!  He is two and a half years old, and an Australian Shepherd mix.  He was surrendered once because his first owners had too many animals; the second time, his owners had moved.  He’s very sweet and well-tempered. 

I went to the Humane Society on Thursday looking for pit bulls pups but both were unavailable (I saw them on the website).  Today I went back to look for a dog named Zoey I had seen a month earlier at Petco’s adoption day but she wasn’t there, either.  A man there told me to come back tomorrow because two three-month-old puppies he had rescued off a beach would be available for adoption but Logan caught my attention as soon as we got there today (at the time, an employee was taking him for his morning walk).  He was the only dog that showed interest in me and he wagged his tail every time I looked at him.  My cousin told me to not pick a dog, but to let a dog pick me.  We asked to see him in the acquaintance park and my boyfriend and I really liked him.  He’s very silly in his mannerisms and that’s part of his charm. 

His name on his paper was Mikah but he didn’t really respond to it.  I picked Logan because it’s just the name I thought of when I saw him. 

He’s very spoiled and nudges me when I stop rubbing his tummy.  He’s perfect for us, actually.  Shepherds are smart and energetic, so we plan to take him on our easier hikes and shorter runs. 

Beanie!

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I finally finished a decent beanie (3rd time’s the charm)!  I think my last post here was about my struggle to complete a beanie for my boyfriend.  I did — in rows and single crochets — and I don’t care for it much.  I did give him the beanie for Christmas but I also bought him a santoku knife he had been looking at.  This beanie, however, I did in rounds (finally!) and I like the look of this one much more.  It’s also a lot faster to make, as I’m sure all of you other crocheters know. 

I’m making him another red beanie to make up for the first one, and he bought yarn of his choosing and asked me to make him a scarf. 

I’m glad I’ve taken up crocheting.  Now I have something to do while he ignores me for League of Legends or Battlefield, haha. 😛

Note: Between school and work, I also didn’t have much time to hone my developing skills…I didn’t take as long as the dates between my posts insinuate to make the beanie. I work part time and attend school full time during the semester but during my breaks, I adopt full time hours. So I haven’t been able to practice as much as I’d like to.

Speaking of adoption…as my gift, my boyfriend made me a bunch of coupons and the last one gave me permission to pick any dog I wanted regardless of age, breed, or price. I’m 20 and I’ve never had a dog because my parents are divorced so I was never at one house long enough to care for a dog. My boyfriend and I live together and for the last year, I’ve been inquiring about a dog. He always said yes, but told me it would be MY dog. Now he’s opened up to it being our dog. He’s had dogs but he’s only now feeling a little less blue about putting his 13-year-old lab down last December. He loves aninals and I’m excited that we’ll raise one together. We’re going back to the Humane Society tomorrow. Wish us luck finding a baby!

Christmas Crochet

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Christmas is in less than two weeks and my boyfriend informed me he’d like me to make him something so, being non-crafty genius I am, I decided to buy hooks, yarn, and a threading needle to make him a beanie.  I first tried iheartstitching’s videos on YouTube but I was having a hard time with the double crochet method as I had a hard time seeing where to place the double crochets.  I moved on to a different tutorial and found one that utilized only chains and single crochets and I’ve found that much easier.  I’m using Boye and Red Heart.  Does anyone have any advice?  I’m completely new to crocheting.  It hasn’t even been 24 hours since I sat down for my first tutorial.

Thank you!

My First Marathon

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I’ll say this: we weren’t very prepared.  My boyfriend had registered us in January and didn’t ask me first (I think he knew that if he asked me, I would have talked myself out if it).  We had 11 months to train and we did train up until June.  In June I got the flu and the following month, we went to Washington to visit my family.  My cousin and her boyfriend took us on a hiking trip to Mt. Rainier.  I’m rather clumsy and as we were descending from the highest point we were able to get to without snow shoes, I slipped and fell, my tailbone landing right on a sharp rock.  Five days later on Friday, my cousin had taken my boyfriend and I into Seattle for the day.  It had drizzled.  I was wearing nearly gripless Nike SBs.  We were walking to The Met for lunch and I slipped on a metal plate on the sidewalk and fell flat on my tailbone and for abouth a month, I couldn’t do anything.  A day after we got back, my friends and I went to Olomana trail and I had to wait at the first peak because my tailbone had made it too hard to hike.  So, we also couldn’t run for at least a month.  Then, we both kept getting hurt or sick.  We resumed running in November, a month before the marathon.

We got to the Marathon starting line around 3:50am and waited for the start at 5:00am.  It was really awesome, there were fireworks and people were watching and applauding from their balconies.  Miles 1 – 10 took us through town on Kapiolani Blvd, Chinatown, Diamondhead, and Kahala.  Miles 11 – 21 were a big loop through Hawaii Kai.  Miles 22 – 26 took us back through Kahala to Kapiolani park.  My legs stiffened up so badly at mile 12 and I walked until mile 18 and from there, my boyfriend and I ran on and off until we finished at the park.  His knee was acting up, too, so this was another issue.  We completed miles 1 – 12 with no problems in three hours and one minute; had we kept this pace, we would have finished in a little over six hours.  That, however, was not the case and our time was 08:08:17.  Not too shabby I guess, considering our lack of preparation and our injuries?  Or am I just saying that to make myself feel better?  Haha.  Either way, I’m proud of myself for finishing my first marathon in one piece and I’m proud of my boyfriend for being outrageous enough to complete the Honolulu Marathon for the second time.  I enjoyed the experience for the most part, but I think I’ll stick to our casual runs around our neighborhood and Diamondhead/Kahala on the weekends.

In all honesty, though, we were pretty miserable after the marathon.  Both our calves were like useless planks of wood, his knee was sore, and I had a blister (this developed around mile 6).  A relative of mine had flown in from Okinawan to run in the marathon (the HNL Marathon is sponsored by JAL) so my dad, stepmom, grandma, and their two friends waited for us to cross the finish line as well (one hour later than our relative…) and they gave us a bag of Gatorade, bananas, rice snacks, hand sanitizer, and cut and peeled oranges. 

This is the only picture I have of anything really relevant to the marathon.  My phone died so I couldn’t take pictures while we were on the course, and honestly, I was too grouchy and in pain to bother.

Blogilates

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I found Blogilates, the wonderful brainchild of Cassey Ho, on Instagram.  I’m not sure how exactly, but that’s where.  I’m hoping to take this up after the marathon next Sunday.  I run regularly but my current goal is to tone my body.  The way I lost weight was undesirable and not very smart, and it left me thinner but not lean.  I’ve begun some strength training and my core is noticeably stronger than it was, but not where I’d like to be.  Wish me luck!

Gettin’ Down on Friday

Next Friday is my brother’s Christmas performance at school.  He’s four years old and still enrolled in pre-school (he starts kindergarten next fall, I’m so excited).  I missed his performance last year because I had class at that time and it was near the end of the semester — the time to start cramming for exams.  This year, however, I’ll be able to attend.  His performance is at 10:00am and at that time, I do have English but my professor is ending the semester next Monday as she is leaving to go home to New York for the holidays.  I don’t blame her.  My stepdad won’t be attending because he takes off for all of my brother’s field trips to chaperone and passed on this one.  My mom is a supervisor so she really tries to avoid taking off work unless she’s flu-stricken sick.  If my brother gets sick, my stepdad stays home as well (he’s a counselor at an elementary school).  My mom is going to try to leave for an hour to attend his performance.  Her parents weren’t well-off and they both worked very hard all the time so she was always that child whose parents didn’t attend school functions and performances (her older sister attended instead).  I admire my mom’s amazing work ethic but I do feel bad that she makes herself miss some things  because of her amazing work ethic.  But because she’s drilled it into my head for my entire life, I never miss work, either.  We actually work together at a credit union; however, we rarely see each other because she manages the Tellers downstairs and I work upstairs in the Loan Department.  I didn’t miss work often at my old job, either, but I go to work as much as possible partially because my mom will know if I don’t show up.  Plus, I love my co-workers and I know me calling out over a cold will only make things more difficult for them.  I also quit my last job before securing another one and the President pretty much handed me my job.  As a thank you, I work as much as I can, and this includes taking up a full-time schedule during my summer and winter breaks.

I was an only child until I was fifteen and a half years old.  After my parents got a divorce when I was six I just figured I could forget ever having a baby brother or sister.  So I’m sure you can imagine how happy I am to have my brother, and how excited I am to see him sing with his class next Friday.  I always tell my mom and friends this, but I think my brother is so much more fun now as a toddler than he was as an infant.  Sure, a few years ago he didn’t punch me, push me, yell at me, and boss me around, but he also didn’t speak.  He’s so adorable.  Little children say the BEST things EVER.  He loves talking about dinosaurs and animals.  I could listen to him talk for days.  I love, love, love when he sings.  I don’t plan on having children until I’m about 30 (after I’ve gotten my Master’s and taught a few semesters) but my brother really makes me look forward to having children of my own.

New

Today is my first day on WordPress, and this, my first post.  I started my Tumblr five years ago in the middle of my English class with the urging (more like force) of a friend.  In those five years, that collection of pictures (memories, I mean), silly memes, and text posts ranging from pathetic to exuberant grew and I’d like to start something new here.  I’ve obviously grown a lot in five years and I’d like a new place to express my thoughts and opinions, one not littered with doge memes.  

Tomorrow I have work from 8:30am – 4:15pm.  At 10:30am, I will promptly request my break and beeline for the computer in our lunchroom so I can register for my Spring 2014 courses.  I’m very excited to transfer.  I’m actually one semester late, and this is the consequence of taking only 12 credits a semester.  When I entered school I was going into business — accounting more specifically — at the urging of my mother.  Two days into the semester, I realized how boring I thought Accounting was and how dreadful that one semester would be so I dropped three of my classes needed for a business degree — math, accounting, and economics — and enrolled in Philosophy 110 (Deductive Logic), History 151 (up to 1500), and Religion 150 (Intro to World Religions).  That semester sparked my interest in religion.  A year later in Fall 2012 I would decide to major in Religion and as of the beginning of this semester, my school documents had me down as a declared Religion major.  I think religion is a wonderful thing.  Now, let me say this: I am not “religious.” I do not subscribe to any organized religion, and I do not believe in God.  I believe in evolution and the “Goldilocks zone” Earth was lucky enough to fall into.  I, however, respect all religions and find a few in particular interesting.  At first I was going to specialize in Islam because it is terribly misunderstood and I, personally, find it to be a beautiful religion.  In Fall 2012, I was enrolled in Religion 202 – Understanding Indian Religions and I ended up falling in love with Indian Religions (Hinduism and Sikhism in particular); I’m now specializing in Indian Religions, much like my professor whom I’ve had for three semesters for three different religion courses (I actually took her Indian Religions course just to have her again).  I’m also planning to minor in History.  My interests in Religion and History don’t go hand-in-hand, though; my interest in History lies in geo-politics, especially topics like World War I and World War II.  My school offers a 400-level course on the Holocaust and I plan to take it next Spring.  My grandfather was in the army during World War II and he was stationed in France, Germany, and Italy.  He would always talk to me about historical events but I would never pay attention.  He passed away in 2008.  In March 2010, I was lucky enough to go to France with my French class and one day, we drove up to Normandy to see Omaha Beach (the D-Day beach) and later that day, we went to the Normandy American Cemetery and Memorial.  I didn’t really hold any interest in history until the day I stood on that beach where thousands of people lost their lives; further, I thought about my grandfather and how thrilled he’d be that I was able to stand on that beach, touch the sand, dip my hands in the water.  I’m sure he’d be overjoyed to learn that I’m at least minoring in a subject he loved.

This was a small glimpse at some of my interests.  I also enjoy baking, running, and hiking.  In fact, next Sunday my boyfriend and I are running in the Honolulu Marathon.  Wish us luck!